The Debt Owed to the Mother

Once a youth asked Swami Vivekananda, “It is said that to repay a mother’s debt is difficult. Why is that so?”

In his reply, Swami Vivekananda asked a counter question, “Do you want a practical answer to your query?”

“Yes, Your Holiness!”

“Fine! Take some courage. Pick up that stone lying there, tie it onto your belly and go to your office. Meet me in the evening after you return.”

Imagine the plight of one who has to work with a 2 to 3 kg stone attached to his stomach.

He returned in the evening, exhausted, and reported to Vivekananda, “I have gone through a veritable ordeal in order to get the answer. Now please enlighten me about the debt owed to the mother.”

“When did you tie the stone?”

“Early in the morning.”

“So, it has not been more than a day, right?”

“Yes!”

“You became tired in just one day while your mother carried you for months together. Just imagine, how difficult it must have been for her? But she never complained. Do you need any further practical answer?“

Reason and Love

by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura

We do not mean to say that Reason is a foolish principle. On the contrary we do not find better admirers of Reason than our humble selves. We hold that man’s superiority amongst all created beings consists in man’s possessing the noble gift of Reason.

What we maintain is this, that independent of this noble principle there is another higher gift in man which goes by the name of Love. Reason helps Love to maintain its proper bounds in the Spiritual world. Love often tends to degrade itself by exercising its function on objects other then God and converts itself into lust for women, wine, meat and gold. Here Reason advises her to rise higher till she reaches her proper sphere above.

Thus we find that the object of Reason is to help Love and not to create it. Reason may be properly styled as the servant of Love and must always be subject to her in all her hopes, aspirations, and holy works.

The Rationalist on the contrary considers Reason as all and all! This is a degradation of humanity! The progressive Rationalist, on the other hand, believes in the principle of love, but attempts to make her the maid-servant of Reason! This is another error! He makes spiritual love sometimes a prisoner in the jails of Reason! Love wants to soar on her spiritual wings to a realm where the Jailor (Reason) cannot go and the latter is sure to tie up her wings for fear lest she goes to an unworthy place!

Love utters sounds of a spiritual character peculiar to herself, but Reason, having no previous experience of it, mistakes it for a disease and administers medicine for her cure!! Thus it is that the natural strength of the Queen of our Soul is crippled by artificial administration of the dry principle of Reason and she rests in us as if a bird taken in a cage! Oh! What a havoc doth Reason commit by abuse of his power. Oh! Shame to the Rationalist! God help the man!!

Theist take care of those amongst you who mix with you only by assuming the name of Theist but are in fact Rationalists of a very dry character. They are divisible into two classes vis. the designing and the dupes. The designing Theist is he who is in fact a Rationalist but by assuming the name of Theist wants to degrade the sincere by his bad influence. He that calls himself a Theist in order to get rid of the name of Rationalist but still holds Love in subjection to Reason is a dupe because he is unable to find out his own position. The sincere Theist should however take care of both of them and preserve the sovereignty of Love over Reason and his comrades.

From an article called, The Temple of Jagannath at Puri, by Thakur Bhaktivinode on September 15, 1871.

True Love ,Chastity

Sometimes we think that it is difficult if not definitel impossible to be chaste. And the reason for such a mistaken opinion is that the word chastity is understood in too narrow a sense. People think that chastity is merely the control of animal passions. Such an idea is false and in any case incomplete.(Gandhi).

Nowadays there is great confusion about chastity and sexuality in general, giving rise to serious consequences in people's relationships. I would like to begin by clarifying, as far as possible, the basic terms namely: sexuality and genitalia.

Sexuality is what makes man and woman different in their physicalness,but also in the different ways of thinking, acting, reacting, loving, crying, rejoicing etc. Sexuality is present in all expressions of human life, it forms its backbone. Genitalia, instead, is the use of sexuality in intercourse, in the entire gift of self (body, psyche and spirit) to and with another person.

Chastity is a term between these two realities.

Chastity is not a limitation nor an amputation of love; indeed love reduced to mere genitality is impoverished, demeaned, and amputated.

Chastity allows genitality have her own place, it expands the heart, and lets tenderness express itself in a completely disinterested love which fills with happiness the one who gives it as well as the person who receives it.

This doesn't mean contempt of the body, but knowledge of it, a way of channelling our own energies and our personal interior treasure, leading them away from selfish narcissism.

Chastity is the correct use of genitalia for the end for which it was given to us. Nobody would dream of cutting a plate or opening a tin of tuna with a small pair of scissors, and if he did, he would be obliged to throw the scissors away. It is true that the term chastity originates from: to keep check on, to control; but in positive language it means that it can teach us the discipline of the heart, with its rules, of the eyes, of language, of the imagination. All this leads to freedom ease, harmony and peace.

Nowadays people easily declare that the human being must accept and satisfy all his physical and psychological demands, it is bluntly affirmed that control over self and personal instincts could lead to excessive strain. This kind of vision considers the human person to be lacking in reason and intelligence, and we know it is not so.

Chastity is order, balance, sovereignty, harmony. It is the foundation for a clear relationship between woman and man, not only in marriage, but in any kind of relationship (friendship, work, family).

There is a total chastity which is real love, because it allows us to prepare ourselves to make a total gift, great, exclusive and ONLY to him/her to whom one is married. It is a gift which once given cannot be taken back in order to give it again to another. This is because the gift is not outside yourself, but it is you yourself and therefore there is no possibility of or right to taking it back again.

There is a relative chastity, that spouses live in married life which excludes the use of genitality as a mere instrument of pleasure. Indeed, because chastity is not something to be practiced only before marriage, as most people think, but also and above all, in married life.

Chastity isn't only a way of expressing what is good and what is bad, what is right and what is wrong. If it were so, it would be a dam easily pulled down. Chastity is a training to overcome any kind of selfish or possessive mentality towards our body or the body of anyone else. Chastity doesn't repress desires, it doesn't ridicule them, nor does it deny them. Rather it orientates them and helps to open us, in a more profound way, to the beauty of our own body and of real love.

Chastity is the secret of joy for everyone and a path for growth lasting a lifetime..

True Love

The Turris Eburnea promotes meetings between young women to discover the signs of True Love which:

it is a feeling, that grows with esteem, is strenghtened by respect and shows itself through sacrifice

Love is never a game!!!

Love grows early in a young girl's heart, to prepare herself to love!!!

To fall in love is easy, but to love truly is difficult

To love is not to look into each other’s eyes, but to look together in the same direction

To love means desiring the other's good.

Just like doctors and engineers cannot be improvised, neither can True Love be improvised!!

LOVE is a gift which must be greatly prepared!!

Don’t give your heart away in "segments"!!

What is beautiful in Love is its exclusiveness!!

Radha and Krishna is the embodiment of love, passion and devotion.

The whole universe material and spiritual is the creation of Shri Radha - Krishna. The relationship of Radha and Krishna is the embodiment of love, passion and devotion. Radha's passion for Krishna symbolizes the soul's intense longing and willingness for the ultimate unification with God. Shri Krishna is the soul of Radha and Radha is definitely the soul of Shri Krishna. She is the undivided form of Shri Krishna. She will remain a mystery unless one can know her inexpressible divine elements. She is worshipper as well as his deity to be worshipped.

When two become one !

You are no longer a couple, you are the one, you share one life and don’t divide it no longer in two. You don’t use the word “I” anymore, there’s only “We”. You belong to him and have no doubts that he belongs to you. So two become one..

When everything suddenly goes right, and all the problems seem so miserable that you don’t even have think now, since now you don’t have to worry about a thing at all.
When you are ready to give up all your life for him and you’re quite sure that he’ll never ask for that because he’s ready to do the same.
When you don’t have to talk to understand each other, and when one starts a phrase the other finishes it.

When you can talk about everything in the world and tell each other all the secrets you’ve ever had.When it’s never better to sleep apart, but when you sleep in one bed it’s so difficult to fall asleep at all.When you’re together you don’t let go each others hands not for a second.

When you start acting and thinking very similar, and suddenly find out that you both copy each other even in intonations.
When you look at the world around not only with yours but with his eyes at the same time, when you note around everything that could be interesting or useful for him.
When you tell one another the smallest impressions and can always count on total understanding.When you see your future only with him and see no future without him.When suddenly and fully understand the meaning of the word “family”.

When you’d rather stay alone than go anywhere without him but nobody doesn’t expect you to come alone anywhere at all.

When every moment is the right moment to call him, and when you feel when he’s is going to call you.

When you look at him the color of your eyes changes and in your turn you are sure that he won’t every look at anybody with those eyes he’s looking at you.

When you are apart the letters from each other come just on time, when you most expect them to come.

When you both have one past, share the same memories and built together the plans for future, when you are rewriting all the plans you had before he came so they could suit him too.

When you learn all his weak points to avoid pressing on them.When you are beside him you never and nowhere feel out of place.

When you want to go around the world together and at the same time settle down somewhere, build a house, grow a garden and bring up kids together. And you will be making that house a home, keeping it warm, clean, nice so that he would always feel comfortable there.

When you want to take care of him all the times and always feel that care from his side.When you want to support and help him and do everything, even impossible only to keep him happy.When you both start doing things you’ve never done before and when you quit doing some things that you’ve been used to.

When you can let yourself be weak.When you stop looking at the other man at all.When you both become better day after day because you want to be the best for each other.When everything you’re doing is right seems to him and when everything he’s doing seems right to you.

When you want every single day to last forever.When you are never alone.

How can one make this fairytale last forever? Is it possible at all? How not to loose such a great love, not to let it efface itself among the worries of everyday life? These are the questions on which one should work for all his/her life.

College Sex & Love: What is true love?

True love: what it is and what it isn't.Find out if you've got the real deal. Find out what to do to get the real McCoy. Try out our short course on "True Love 101".

I can picture the day. Rice flying, a limo pulling up to take him and me to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother's eyes, my bridesmaids in lavender chiffon....

All the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom. Oops. That's an important part, huh?

Love. It's a commonly thrown around four-letter word. "I love macaroni and cheese." "I love Vanilla Ice." (Remember that?) Sometimes, even an "I love him" or "I love her."

What is real love?

And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see...? You know the person I'm talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym... the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by... the friend of a friend of a friend... maybe a best friend. It's that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.

There are a few things love isn't. Love isn't a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don't always feel ooey gooey around each other.

A relationship wouldn't last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.

Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do "fall in love" with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!

Knowing about the person's personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don't know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren't attracted to his or her personality.

Another important factor in a relationship is common life goals.

If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international businessman and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple's lives.

Love isn't sex.

That statement alone goes against a lot of what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity.

Sex is created for marriage--a long-lasting commitment between a couple. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. A relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.

Love is a choice. It's a commitment.

Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.

The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It's because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.

People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he's funny or she's thoughtful.

We were made for God's love, and God's love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.

TRUE LOVE 101: What does it take to be that significant other?

Infatuation

• Sees the other person as perfect
• Wants to get own needs met; selfish
• Spends all time with the other person
• Quickly "falls" for the other person
• Other relationships and friendships deteriorate
• Dependence on the other person causes
• Jealousy frequently
• Lasts for a short period of time
• Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship
• Quarrels are serious and common
• Quarrels can seriously damage the relationship

Love

• Sees the other person's flaws and still loves them
• Wants to serve the other person; selfless
• Still spends time with others
• Takes time to build the relationship
• Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
• Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
• Encompasses a long-term commitment
• Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
• Quarrels are less serious and less often
• Quarrels can strengthen the relationship

Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn't the answer. Look at your relationships through the grid above. Infatuation isn't a bad thing, as long as we don't base a relationship on it.

Perhaps finding real love begins with God, the one who created relationships.

True love

It’s said that two persons truly in love aren’t looking at each other but in the one direction. And this is rather reasonable because they don’t say nothing “this is yours and this is mine” and share everything: friends, enemies, interests, problems and etc. One has his/her own identity but sees him/herself only as a part of the other. Still real love is not a relationship of property. If you really love someone you may say “I belong you” but always be ready to let go if it makes the person you love happy.

Jealousy stands out of the true love. How can one be jealous if there’s so much love and faithfulness? Real love doesn’t long for power, it doesn’t want to hurt, doesn’t want to punish for mistakes, it’s self-sacrificing and ready to forgive other and other again. But it’s wrong to think that true love is always a suffering, it only means that you take a person as he or she is and don’t expect the one you love to be perfect.

True love isn’t supposed to blow your mind, yet it doesn’t tend to get and to possess – it’s a and very special state of a soul.
But the question that true love is still has no definite answer. Do we truly love only once in our life? At what age are we supposed to meet our love? Does it last for a lifetime or just for a while? Probably everyone has his own answers to this questions. The truth is that no one should spend life chasing ideals or building relationships by some model of a true love. One will probably fail and miss the real thing beyond all this.


We should remember that very many things we need to supply our healthy and comfortable living but only the true feeling of love makes life really longer and happier. And this is scientifically proved.

Love and Human Relationship

Swami Vivekananda gave a wonderful insight into human relationships.

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will escape from you."

Finding and Keeping a Life Partner

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

Question NO . 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings?

Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

• Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?
• Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
• Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
• When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
• Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

• Do you bring out the best in each other?
• Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
• What do you bring to the relationship?
• Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
• You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.